Hate me for all the things I didn't do
by MaryAuksi
Summary: A sad oneshot about Jay & Emma. Kind of a songfic bits of Hate Me by Blue October. Reviews are constructive criticism are always appreciated.


**A/N: Wow, I can't believe I actually wrote something as sad as you're going to read right now. This made me cry because I listened to the song over and over again while I wrote this. This song is just too sad and too good. I hope you'll enjoy, if it's even possible to **enjoy** something as sad as this. And I know that there already is a songfic with this song to Jay/Emma, but this is completely different from that.  
**

_**Disclaimer- "Hate Me" is a property of Blue October. I do not own it. Degrassi and its characters are owned by Epitome Pictures. I do not own them.**_

_Hate me today  
Hate me tomorrow  
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you_

Jay hit the wheeling steer, causing the signal to go off. The music was blasting. Music that was supposed to be too weepy for a guy like him. It was raining. He had almost driven right into an accident in front of him. "Fuck." He muttered to himself. Why couldn't people drive normally? He heard the police and ambulance coming. He went out of the car just to see a familiar car. Or, to be exact, he saw what was left of the car. The ambulance was already cutting someone out of there. It seemed like he was nailed to the ground when he saw who it was. Amazingly she was in one piece, something he couldn't believe when he looked at the car.

"Sir?" The medics repeated when they saw him. "Sir, are you alright?"

"E-Emma…" He let out a sigh. "Is she dead?"

"Who? The girl? Is her name Emma?" Jay nodded. "Can you tell me her last name?"

"H-… I mean Nelson." He stopped himself from saying Hogart.

"Sir, she's alive. Are you a family member?"

"Yes. I mean… Almost." Jay didn't make any sense. "I mean… No. Not really." He sighed, still in shock. "In which hospital are you going to?" After getting in his car, he started it quickly, with his hands shaking, and drove behind the ambulance.

"She's in a coma, sir, but we're lucky to have her alive." The doctor said.

"Coma?" Jay breathed in. "How long will it take for her to…"

"It can be hours, days, weeks, or even months. It's possible she'll never come out of it."

"I should call her parents." Jay numbly walked away from the doctor and dialed Emma's home phone number on his cell. "Hi Manny, it's Jay… No, listen, she's in the hospital… Not me, some idiot hit her car and… Sh-she's in a coma…"

"Where is she?!" Manny, Spike and Snake rushed towards Jay. Jay explained everything, showed them in which room they were, and collapsed on one of the chairs in the hall, remembering the bits of last night.

"_Take this back, then!" She__ had yelled, trying to get her engagement ring off._

"_I just don't think I'm ready yet! It doesn't mean I don't want to marry you! We've only been engaged for what, some months?!"_

"_Face it, Jay; you'll never be ready, will you."_

He would've been ready. He was just scared. Scared of marriage. He wanted it to be perfec but he was scared he'd fail. If he only would've accepted to marry her in some months. Then she wouldn't have been driving that morning. She wouldn't have been. "Don't you want to go inside?" Spike asked him. Jay shook his head. "It wasn't your fault. You really don't want to see her?"

"She didn't have the ring anymore." He whispered. "Where is it? Did she throw it away?" He looked at Spike after asking the question. Spike shook her head.

"No. Of course not. She loves you."

"Then _where_ is it?"

"In her room. She took it off but she didn't throw it away. I swear. She couldn't do that." Spike promised him. Jay stood up and started to walk towards the exit. "Jay?"

"I'm going to my apartment." He said quietly, but loudly enough for Spike to hear him.

_You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate  
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take  
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind  
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind_

He had memorized those lines thanks to a station that played that song at least five times a day. Now he even had it on a CD because Emma had wanted it. She didn't want to see him again, so she didn't have to.

"Man, what are you doing here?" Sean came out of his car to see a soaking wet Jay on his front steps.

"Where the fuck were you?" Jay spat and stood up.

"Why didn't you wait in your car?" Sean raised his eyebrows in mock.

"Didn't want to, alright?" Jay kicked a rock with his right leg when he stood up from the steps. "She's in a coma. In a fucking _coma_!"

"Emma's in a coma?"

"All 'cause of me. I didn't want to marry her so she didn't stay over night and had to drive that morning." Jay whispered more to himself but it was loud enough for Sean to hear.

"Well why aren't you in the hospital?" Sean asked. "Mr. S kicked you out or something?" Jay shook his head. "Well let's go now! At least _I_ want to see her!"

"Then go see her. She hates me now. You'll be with her in the end, anyway."

"Stop the pity and come!" Sean raised his voice. "She loves _you_, you idiot. I don't even like her like that anymore. Now let's go." Jay slowly got in his car and started it. When they finally were in the hospital, it was 3pm. Manny was with her, so Sean waited for her to come out before he went in.

"She's up!" Manny rushed out of the room. "I'm serious! She's up!" Everyone went to her room. After peeking in, Jay left the room and the hospital.

_Hate me in ways  
Yeah ways hard to swallow  
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you_

She'll probably marry Sean in the end. He was the only one for her. He was the good one. A little rough around edges, but he was good. Not like Jay. His cell phone rang. _Manny_ – it read. "Hi. I'm not coming back there, Manny, so you can just stop calling me."

"**I'm not Manny." He heard a soft, yet tired, voice. A voice that definitely wasn't Manny. "Jay, I want to see you. Really. Would you come here? Please?"**

"No." He only said. He didn't explain himself. He just said no. He said no and hung up. A minute after that, there was another call. Again, it read Manny. He let it ring until it didn't anymore.

"_Jay?"_ He heard a voice repeat. _"Hogart, wake up!"_ He opened his eyes to see the hospital walls. He had fallen asleep in one of those chairs in the halls. Had it all been a dream?

"She's not up, is she?" He whispered just to get a headshake from Manny.

"Sean left an hour ago, by the way." She added. "It's almost 7pm." So that hadn't been a dream, at least. Cameron had been there. But, Emma was still in a coma. He finally went in the room she was in. Some moments after he had taken her hand and whispered some words to her, he heard a long beep instead of several beeps. He looked around, then pushed the emergency button and rushed out of the room.

Several minutes, maybe ten, after, a doctor came out of the room. Jay didn't even listen after he heard five horrible words. "We did everything we could…" The rest sounded distorted. The cries and sobs from Spike, Manny and Mr. S sounded distorted. After the doctor had left, he walked outside of the hospital. If only he'd accepted.

_Will you never call again?  
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?  
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space_


End file.
